Gratitude

I am a bad blogger…there I said it! Honestly, those who know me will agree that I’m better at talking than writing. My brother is the writer in the family. So, I apologize for not keeping up this blog. I get a lot of great ideas when I take my walks but have trouble once I’m in front of the keyboard. With that said…here’s a post. Guess I was inspired this morning!

 

One of the things I have learned from this experience is to be grateful for what I have. I wouldn’t say I used to be ungrateful but, I never took the time to truly appreciate things. I am now able to be more grateful for what I DO have and not dwell on what I don’t have. This change also came about from having people in my life who opened my eyes to gratitude. Instead of wishing the rain would stop, they taught me how to dance in it! And, why shouldn’t we be grateful more often? Not just for a 28 day challenge or around the holidays. How about in the middle of March when the wind is cold and biting and we’ve been trapped in the house by a long hard winter? I am not suggesting that every day single day is filled with sunshine and rainbows and positive thoughts. I’m an idealist but also a realist. It is okay to have times (even a whole day) to wonder why and to cry over things lost. I’m having one of those days today. I am ready for that permanent job that fulfills me. I am ready for that loving relationship, a best friend to share my life with. I am ready to have a home that is mine. But, I don’t have any of those things so, for today, I am feeling lost, frustrated, and sad. And that is okay…just for today. I will not dwell on those thoughts after today. Tomorrow I will wake up and be grateful that I have a temporary job, family and friends who are always there for me, my health, and a cat who is the best thing to ever come into my life. Life is better when you don’t dwell on the bad things. Give them just a little space so you can process them…then move on. It’s all good!

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First Day of School

Today was the first day of school for many students. I know because of the copious amount of obligatory “back to school” photos that showed up on my Facebook news feed. Don’t get me wrong, if I had kids going back to school, I would be posting too. I’m not complaining, really, it actually just makes me sad. I love the first day of school with the floors all shiny from having been waxed over the summer to the clean, crisp new outfits everyone is donning. As a school counselor, I look forward to reuniting with my colleagues to hear of their over-the-summer adventures and planning to make this the “best year yet!”. And, on the night before the first day, I still have trouble sleeping. Probably because of having shifted my sleep pattern to include an 8am wake up but also because I get excited at seeing my students again. In middle school, they grow so much over the summer! And, they mature (well, most of them). I can’t tell you how cool this part of my job is (was). And that is why I am sad. This is my second “first day of school” being unemployed. And it.is.rough! The only way to explain it is as a sense of loss. When the ads for back to school clothes and supplies started to come on, the pit in my stomach began. It was like the approaching anniversary of the death of a loved one. I grieve. I cry. My heart breaks. Because I love, more than I can say, my job. I love my students, even the difficult ones (that’s a topic for another day). I love school spirit, attending school productions, and watching connections between students and teachers grow. I love the anticipation of snow days, holidays, field trips, and school vacations. I even love the crazy days when I collapse as soon as I get home. Well, maybe I didn’t love them so much before but, now that I don’t have them, I want them back! I want it all back…the good, the bad, and the ugly of the job. The paperwork, the silly adolescent girl problems, and the Axe emanating from the boys locker room. I miss helping those kids. And, I really really miss the first day of school…